in which the goal is to find our similarities and differences
a project where i attempt to write collaboration poems about diverse topics with people of as diverse backgrounds as possible in order to gain a better understanding of the world. the goal is to reduce the stigma and stereotypes associated with certain identities through the universal art form known as poetry.
poems
"reminders" with ryland myers
i.
itching, scratching anger management
her name is poison in my stomach
their name is poison in my eyes
all the names are poison
the vicious liquid homing in,
locked onto my diseased, slowing heart,
the river i drink from,
the river of my father’s father
and his father’s father
is no longer a purification,
the wastes of hate have poisoned our bond
ii.
i do not face the music when it’s dire
i will not face the music next time
she barely comes to mind
that’s a lie
she’s always in my brain
tearing through the cells
iii.
and sometimes the force of her
chains me down
with a kind of hopelessness
that stems not from pure sadness,
but one part fed up
two parts sad,
four parts apathy,
three parts defeat,
and ten parts out of control,
ten parts can’t be bothered
iv.
to pretend that she’s not locked me
in a battle of minds
where part of me always loses
and winning doesn’t feel like
champaign and poppers and victory parties,
but one centimeter up
and victory has always felt a little like
barely holding on.
v.
her name is unspeakable
and now my
dysmorphic brain
is sending us
nowhere but downhill
she clicks her tongue
because i am her obedient toy soldier
and there is no way out of the service
except for death
vi.
but childish cowardice stays my hand,
is there a guarantee that it will end
with the welcoming embrace of death?
is there a guarantee that death will quiet
this damn voice in my head?
so i learn to juggle,
juggling the blade, the bottle, the rope,
collecting, collecting, collecting
vials of blood,
small periods of not happiness but okay-ness,
and starting to live, live for the burning blisters
the world is monochromatic,
seeped in red
and my only break is in the black and the blue
which fade to the yellow and the green
self-inflicted reminders to stay present.
itching, scratching anger management
her name is poison in my stomach
their name is poison in my eyes
all the names are poison
the vicious liquid homing in,
locked onto my diseased, slowing heart,
the river i drink from,
the river of my father’s father
and his father’s father
is no longer a purification,
the wastes of hate have poisoned our bond
ii.
i do not face the music when it’s dire
i will not face the music next time
she barely comes to mind
that’s a lie
she’s always in my brain
tearing through the cells
iii.
and sometimes the force of her
chains me down
with a kind of hopelessness
that stems not from pure sadness,
but one part fed up
two parts sad,
four parts apathy,
three parts defeat,
and ten parts out of control,
ten parts can’t be bothered
iv.
to pretend that she’s not locked me
in a battle of minds
where part of me always loses
and winning doesn’t feel like
champaign and poppers and victory parties,
but one centimeter up
and victory has always felt a little like
barely holding on.
v.
her name is unspeakable
and now my
dysmorphic brain
is sending us
nowhere but downhill
she clicks her tongue
because i am her obedient toy soldier
and there is no way out of the service
except for death
vi.
but childish cowardice stays my hand,
is there a guarantee that it will end
with the welcoming embrace of death?
is there a guarantee that death will quiet
this damn voice in my head?
so i learn to juggle,
juggling the blade, the bottle, the rope,
collecting, collecting, collecting
vials of blood,
small periods of not happiness but okay-ness,
and starting to live, live for the burning blisters
the world is monochromatic,
seeped in red
and my only break is in the black and the blue
which fade to the yellow and the green
self-inflicted reminders to stay present.
"untitled" with natasha nath
poem in the works.
collab author bios
aj poeaj is a bisexual genderfluid student at uiuc. they like to write about anxiety and other mental disorders. photography is another art form they likes to dabble in.
for the extended bio, check out my about page. |
ryland myersas of 2016, ryland is a first year creative writing major at nhia and writes poetry, fiction, and creative non fiction. he likes slam poetry. you can find more of his work at the odyssey, deviantart, youtube, and instagram (1, 2, 3). you can support his transition at the following link https://ko-fi.com/A6223R6.
|
natasha nath
bio coming soon.